Humpty Dumpty, in Lewis Carroll’s “Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There” said, “When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean – neither more nor less.”
While that may have worked for Humpty, it didn’t go well for Alice. English is a confusing language, coming from many roots. That makes it a good language for spelling bees and etymologists (not to be confused with entomologists) and not so good for adults learning a second language.
Language becomes more confusing when there are a lot of words with similar sounds but dissimilar meanings, and lots of words with similar meanings but different connotations. Toss in a few idiomatic phrases and we find ourselves repeating what we thought we heard, or trying to impress people but making the opposite impression from what we hoped for.
What follows is a compendium of stuff that, to some, will be like fingernails on a chalkboard. To others, it will be picking nits. (We’ll start there. “Nits” are the eggs of lice. To “pick nits” is to remove these tiny eggs from the hair. It is tedious and time-consuming. To “nitpick” is to criticize excessively. “Nitpicking” is to “picking nits” as “haircombing” is to “combing hair”.)
Spoken/written Mondegreens
Jon Carroll of the San Francisco Chronicle has made a career, of sorts, chronicling mis-heard song lyrics. They are called “mondegreens” from one of the first noted, a Scottish ballad, “The Bonny Earl o’ Moray”. Someone mis-heard the couplet “They hae slain the Earl o’ Moray/An’ Laid him on the green” as “They hae slain the Earl o’ Moray/And Lady Mondegreen”. You might notice that this totally changes the meaning of the sentence. Either they killed a man and laid his body on the village green, or they killed a man and a woman, which might make us wonder about the relationship between the Earl and the Lady.
In reading a lot, I find that it is not just song lyrics, but English phrases that people mis-hear. They type what they heard without thinking about the meaning. If the formatting works, I have lined out the incorrect usages so as not to confuse further. (“Farther” refers always to distance. “Further” means more. “Furthur” is the name of a bus to take you on a magical mystery tour.)
- “Next store”, as in “next
storeneighbor”: which is actually “next door”, as in the person who lives at the next door down the street. - “Bicep”, as in “I tore my
bicep“: which is actually “biceps” (meaning “two heads” and referring to an arm muscle that has two heads with different attachment points). “Biceps” is not a plural. You have one “biceps” muscle in each arm. For that matter, you have one in each leg as well, which is why they are called “biceps brachii” and “biceps femoris”. We usually call the biceps femoris “hamstring” (which actually refers to multiple muscles). - “I
couldcare less”, which actually means I care: what people mean is “I couldn’t care less”, which means I don’t care at all. There is no way I could care less than I do. - “Defuse” for “diffuse”, as in “I have many
defuseinterests”: “Defuse” means to render harmless, as in defusing a bomb. “Diffuse” means spread widely.
Or the opposite: “He really helped todiffusethe situation” – no, he “defused” the situation by rendering a dangerous situation harmless. - “expresso” for “espresso”.
- “exasperate” (to annoy) for “exacerbate” (to make worse) (one comes from the Latin “asper”-“to roughen”, the other from “acer” – “sharp” or “bitter”.) You may find this entire post exasperating and it may exacerbate your feelings about the blogger.
- “
Towthe line”, as in, “you’d bettertowthe line or you’ll be cruisin’ for a bruisin”: The phrase is “toe the line”, meaning to do what you’re told, as when told to line up with your toes on the line in the military. - “Flaunt” as in “I
flauntedthe law”: The word here is “flout” (to scorn). “Flaunt” is to display ostentatiously. - “Flack” for “flak”, as in “I caught
flackfor what I said in the meeting”: “Flak” is military slang for anti-aircraft fire. “Flack” is a huckster or promoter. - “Jive” for “jibe”, as in “That doesn’t
jivewith what I knew”: This one can be confusing. “Gibe” means “to taunt”, “jibe” means to agree with (but also refers to turning across the wind when sailing downwind – so you have to duck lest you be hit by the boom), “jive” means to talk nonsense or to deceive. - “Greatful” for “grateful”, as in “I’m
greatfulthat you’re helping me”: “grateful” is filled with gratitude. “Greatful” is not a word in English. If it were one, it would mean “full of greatness”, but it doesn’t mean that. - “Grinds” for “grounds, as in “I put the coffee
grindsin the compost bin”: The word here is “grounds”. Adjusting your coffee grinder to a coarse grind setting would produce coarse grounds. - “Hair-brained” for “hare-brained”, as in “That was a
hair-brained idea”: The term is “hare-brained” meaning “no smarter than a rabbit”. - “heal” for “heel”, as in “That was my Achilles’
heal“, or “I taught my dog toheal“: Unless you taught your dog to cure illness, you probably taught it to walk by your heel. If, like Achilles, your mom held you by the back of the foot when she dipped you in the River Styx, your weak spot is your heel. - “Hand
andglove” for “hand in glove”, as in “They worked together hand in glove”: “Hand in glove” means tightly or well-fitting, “Hand in hand” means as if holding hands; essentially the same thing. - “
Heighth” for “height”: Only one of these is a word in English. (The second one.) - “Breaks”, as in, “I applied the
breaksso I wouldn’t crash into the tree”: which is actually “brakes”, though if you don’t apply the brakes you might break something. - “Hit
andmiss” for “Hit or miss”, as in “He did it in a hitandmiss fashion”: The phrase means haphazardly, without care for the outcome, as though he didn’t care whether he hit (the ball) or missed it. - “Humus” for “hummus”: “Humus” is the decayed organic matter that produces rich soil. “Hummus” is a dip made from garbanzo beans. I would not want to dip my pita in humus.
- “Hypocritical ” for “hypercritical”: The former means pretending to have virtues which one lacks, putting on an act (which is the Greek root). The latter means overly critical, picking nits, finding fault excessively.
- “Hoi polloi” for “hoity-toity”: The first means “the common people”. People often misuse it as meaning “upper class”, perhaps because it sounds like “hoity-toity”, meaning pretentious.
- “Happy belated birthday” for “Belated happy birthday”: It isn’t the birthday that is late, it is the wishing of happiness that is late.
- “
Honein” for “home in”: to “hone” is to sharpen. To “home in” is to aim for. - “Imply” vs “”infer”: “Imply” is what I do when I hint at something without saying it openly. “Infer” is what I do when I hear you say something and I draw a conclusion that you didn’t state. (Two could have a conversation in which one says, “What are you implying?” and the other says “What did you infer?” Neither has yet revealed their true meaning.)
- “Incidence” for “incidents”: “Incidence” refers to the rate of occurrence. An “incident” is an occurrence. The plural is “incidents”. One could get really confusing by referring to the incidence of these incidents. The plural of “incidence” is rarely used accurately. When people use it, they usually mean “instances” (examples).
- “Interment” and “internment”: The first refers to burial, the second to imprisonment.
- “
Intensivepurposes” for “intents and purposes”, as in “For allintensivepurposes”: The phrase means in every way imaginable; “For all intents and purposes, the action was a declaration of war.” - “
Jutebox” for “jukebox”: A ‘juke joint” was a roadhouse, particularly one with a place for dancing. A “jukebox” was a coin-operated record player to provide music. “Jute” is a tough fiber used for twine and sacks. - “Light year” to mean a long time. “It has been
lightyears since I saw Jake.”: “Light year” is the distance that light travels in a year. It is a long distance, not a long time. If you want to express that you haven’t seen Jake lately, you might want to try my toddler son’s phrase “a couple of whiles”. He knew that “a while” meant an unspecified (but not too long) length of time and wanted to say it was more than that but not “forever” (which is clearly not meant literally), so he coined “a couple of whiles”. - This brings us to my least favorite: “Literally” to mean “figuratively”. “Literal” means “to the letter” or exactly. It would be impossible to say “I
literallydied of embarrassment”, because you’d be too dead to say that. Worse, the incorrect usage is so common that you will now find it in many dictionaries with the definition “figurative”. This bring us to the whole argument as to whether a dictionary should be prescriptive or descriptive. Does it tell us how to use words, or how they are used? To that, I answer “yes”, but within reason. When two words are essentially antonyms it make no sense to redefine one to make them synonyms. - “
Wetyour appetite” for “whet”: “Whet” means to sharpen (Like you do with a whetstone). An aperitif is a cocktail drunk before dinner to stimulate (sharpen) the appetite. - “Feee
reign” for “free rein”: this is from riding horses. If you loosen your grip on the reins and give the horse its head, you are giving it “free rein”, in essence putting the horse in control (“rein” is from Latin, meaning “to hold back”). It has nothing to do with “reign” (from Latin, meaning “realm”). - “Cite”, “site”, and “sight”: The first is the verb form of “citation” and means to refer to or quote. The second refers to a location: a building site. As a verb it means “to place”. The third refers to vision. As a verb you could “sight a ship out in the ocean”. You saw it there, you didn’t put it there. Or you could cite a different person who sighted the ship because you didn’t.
- “Pedal” is what I place my foot on to propel my bike. It is also the action of propelling my bike. “Peddle” is to sell something. I used to pedal my bike to peddle newspapers.
- “e.g.” means “for example” (from the Latin “exempli gratia”). “i.e.” means “in other words” (Literally “that is” from the Latin “id est”).
- “Reek” for “wreak”: To reek is to smell strongly. To wreak is to execute or to carry out. I might wreak havoc while reeking of onions.
- “
Wreckless” for “reckless”. The root is the German “reck”, meaning “care”. A “reckless” driver is one who drives heedless of the consequences. A “wreckless” driver (if that were a word) would be one who never crashes. - “Shimmy” for “shinny”: You shinny up a tree. (This is actually derived from an earlier verb that was simply “shin”.) You shimmy on the dance floor.
- “Lie” vs “lay”: I lie down on the bed. I lay my cards on the table.
- “Squash” vs “quash”: You squash a bug and quash a rebellion.
- “Steak” vs “stake”: The first is a cut of meat. The second is pretty much everything else. I can stake a claim by driving a stake in the ground to mark it. I can watch for something on a stakeout. I have a lot at stake if I risk everything.
- “Straight” vs “strait”. The first is without bends. The second is a tight space. So it’s the Strait of Magellan, a strait-jacket, and to be in dire straits. If you misuse these, you may go straight to hell.
- “Supposedly” vs “supposably”. “Supposed” means “assumed”, so “supposedly” is what we say when we refer to what everyone thinks. “Supposable” means “conceivable”, or “possible”, so “supposably” means it is possible (able to be supposed). Both are real words, but most people who use “supposably” mean “supposedly”.
- “Tongue
andcheek” for “tongue-in-cheek”: From the sense of biting one’s tongue to keep from laughing. To say something “tongue-in-cheek” is to be jokingly insincere, whimsically exaggerating, or ironic. - “He’s a real
trooper” for “he’s a real trouper”: The origin is from a theatre troupe and is related to the notion that “the show must go on”. A trouper is one who perseveres through hardships. - “It takes two to
tangle” for “it takes two to tango”: This arises from the 1952 song by Al Hoffman and Dick Manning. It refers to anything that can’t be done solo. - “Wherefore” means “why”. “Wherefore art thou Romeo?” doesn’t mean “Hey Romeo, where the heck are you?!” It means “Why did you have to be born into the family that mine is feuding with? Why did I have to fall in love with someone I can never be with?” (Okay, that should be “with whom I can never be” so as not to end the sentence with a preposition – not to be confused with a proposition – but let’s not pick nits.)
- “forego” vs “forgo”: “Forego” means “to go before”. “Forgo” means “to go without”.
- “
baitedbreath” for “bated breath”: You haven’t placed bait on your breath in order to catch something, you are holding or restraining your breath as you eagerly await something. Bated is from the same root as abated. - “Barter” for “bargain”: To barter is to exchange goods (without money involved). To bargain is to negotiate or haggle.
- “Taking a different
tact.”: This one seems to be a confusion of the words “tactic” and “tack.” Tacking is a sailing term. To tack is to turn your boat across the wind while sailing upwind (via a zig-zagging course and not directly into the wind, cf. “jibe” above [cf. is for the Latin “confer” meaning “compare”]). In the non-nautical sense it means a change in focus or direction. A tactic is a means to an end (and is derived from a Greek military term), so tacking is a tactic to sail upwind. Tact is another matter entirely. That is skill or grace in dealing with others. So it may require tact to take a different tack (in the business or non-nautical sense) and you may have to change your tactics to reach your objective.
Plurals
Another category are words from other languages that we use in English without realizing that they are plurals and we use them as though they were singular. A few examples. The plural is listed first.
- data/datum
- criteria/criterion
- biscotti/biscotto
- panini/panino
- media/medium
- phenomena/phenomenon
- Another plural phenomenon comes with titles. An “attorney general” is an attorney, not a general. Two of them are attorneys general. It would be easier with a comma in there: “attorney, general”, but that’s not how we do it. If an army private is promoted, he becomes a private first class. Two of them are privates first class.
Redundancies
- PIN number
- ATM machine
- Please RSVP
- Hot water heater
- Chai tea
- Close proximity
- General consensus
- End result
- HIV virus
- knots per hour
- LCD or LED display
- Sierra Nevada mountains
- RBIs, WMDs, POWs, MREs, RPMs, ADLs
- Rio Grande River
- Very unique
Annoying in general
Almost any jargon. Business jargon from the latest best-seller is the worst. For a while everyone was saying “at the end of the day”. Before that it was “circle back”. Later it was “lean in”. When we refer to a relationship between teacher and pupil, the words are “mentor” and “protégé”. This usually refers to a 1:1 relationship. I’m not sure why, but someone felt the need to create the word “mentee” to mean “protégé”. Maybe we need to coin the term “protéger” (or would it be “protégor”?). By the way, “protégé”, “prodigy”, and “progeny” are three different words and are not interchangeable. It is possible that my progeny is a prodigy and is someone’s protégé.
Jargon has the effect of telling others “I’m part of the in crowd”. Sometimes it is useful when standard English is ambivalent and the jargon is specific. That is sometimes the case with medical terms. Other times it is just a way to say “I’m smarter than you are.”
Big words used in place of smaller words that are more accurate. Note that in most cases, both are words. In some cases the usage varies between the US and the UK. “Methodology” for “method”. “Functionality” for “function”. “Orientate” for “orient”. “Notate” for “note”. “Interpretate” for “interpret”. “Exponentially”, “order of magnitude”, “quantum leap” for a big change. Each of those terms has a particular meaning. We seem to like superlatives so we try to make everything bigger. This is an expansion of the misuse of “literal”.
I’m sure I left a few (or more than a few) out. Do you have a bone to pick with anything in here? Do you have some pet peeve(s) to add? That’s what the comments section is for.
Half-fast Cycling Club 